Welcoming a New Year – The Other End of the Leash

I am writing to you this Monday, January 2 the year two thousand and twenty three. An arbitrary date, of course, depending on the whims of history and culture. Yet I love the ritual of diving into the river of time, and the gift it gives us to reflect and look to the future.

You all know, without a doubt, that New Year’s resolutions are a great way to disappoint you, given how quickly they tend to fall off the table. I stopped doing it years ago, (see my “Not the 2010 resolutions” for example) but I always like the idea of ​​setting intentions for the coming year.

I read a lot during the holidays, and was inspired by article written by Amanda Morris on NY resolutions, inspired by people with disabilities. Claire Richmond, who suffers from a rare liver condition, said she was thinking about how she wanted to feel in the new year, not what she wants to do. I like this. TO LIKE.

And you? how do you want to feel in 2023? Interesting question isn’t it – and of course that drives what we do anyway, doesn’t it? Here is my list; I look forward to yours:

I want to feel LOVED AND LOVED. If I had to remember only one thing, it would be this. There are many reasons for this, including knowing that feeling loved and loving makes me happier than anyone else. A girl can’t live on Chocolate, Cosmos and Netflix alone. In addition to being happy, feeling loved turns out to be a key predictor of overall health, according to a study described in The good life, based on a long-term study of people from rich and poor neighborhoods. By the way, most New Year’s resolutions are mainly about health, according to a study. Exercise more, eat better, etc.

But why? Why do more sports? Why eat better? To be healthy, right? But why be healthier? I don’t know how most people would answer that, but I would say live a long and happy life. Of course, exercise and nutritious food are extremely important, but… . . the same goes for feeling loved and loving, and according to the study above, more important than anything else.

Speaking of feeling loved, you know I’m going to the dogs now, right? In no way do I want to minimize how much Jim’s love and the love of my friends and family means to me. They are the best things of my life, hands down. But, right behind are my dogs. I don’t know how I could have gotten through the long, dark winter of a painful divorce without a dog to snuggle up with at night. I love watching Skip and Maggie play together so much that I get depressed if one of them gets hurt and can’t play. I love them so much sometimes it hurts, and their love for me is boundless, pure and unspoken. (Especially since they cannot, on occasion, drop something sharp, as I write in For the love of a dog.) I could go on about the dogs and the love of the pages, but I’m going to force myself to stop there, after feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for all they give us.

To feel loved. Yes. To feel loved. Yes. Now my job is to figure out what behavior to encourage to support that – more talking with my nieces, more visiting with family, more laughing time with friends. I’d say “no more telling Jim how much I love him”, but I do that multiple times a day (and he does that for me), so we’ll make sure to keep it that way. To feel loved and to love also makes me feel grateful, one of the best feelings of all.

I want to feel FUN, CURIOUS, ENJOYED and AWESOME. All of this, really, is about feeling JOYFUL. I get bored very easily. Really, really easily, which is why I LOVE traveling to new places, seeing shows, learning new things, laughing at great comedies, including the minds of many of our friends. This year, while paying attention to Covid and The Next Horrific Health Scare Lined Up to Terrify Us, I’m doing all I can to create a world that includes travel, learning new things, laughing with friends, and… feeling impressed by the beauty that surrounds us. I’ve already planned a few little things, some big, some small, that make me smile just thinking about it. You?

I also want to feel ENERGETIC. Maybe it’s another way of saying wholesome, but I like that it focuses on the feelings I want, not the actions. I love so many things in life, and the fact is that they take energy. Feeling energized is harder if we’re sick or unhealthy, period. It’s also harder as we get older, something staring me in the face lately after my 74th birthday. Focusing on feeling energized makes it easier, for me anyway, to think about what I’m eating, rather than a generic “eat healthier” mandate, or even something more specific and measurable ( good things for effective resolutions) like “eat more beans and nuts.” I’m working on this very thing (Amy’s French country vegetable soup for lunch, I’m just saying), but I frame it as feel energetic against to be in a good health works better. But that’s just me. You?

I want to feel RESPONSIBLE and ACCOMPLISHED. I simply cannot live in this world without being an actively involved citizen. I just don’t feel like I have the right, with my reasonably good health and reasonably good resources, to ignore the issues around me, locally and globally. I’ve been very active in the last year on a number of files, and after a brief hiatus, I’ll be back in 2023. My challenge is to accept that I can’t and won’t do much; that I cannot solve climate change, suffering and abuse alone. I am also not willing to devote my life to it, even if others do and I congratulate them. I will strive to forgive myself for not doing more and be compassionate about my choices. (You never hear about a lot of this work, because it’s political, and it’s SO important to me, and to a lot of you too I hear, that we keep politics out of this space .)

I also like to accomplish things. The roots of this undoubtedly began a long time ago. Like many of us, it was my accomplishments that garnered attention and praise growing up. We talk about this in my meditation class, how common it is to be seen for that you did, against who are you. A useful phrase in our class is “Nothing to be”, as in “You are just enough to be alive”. I cherish this concept, and. . . it’s a challenge for me, because I like to check things out and go back to what I’ve done. Right now, I’m excited to finish a first draft of my mystery novel in a few months. So . . . this is my challenge for 2023 – how to hold the two together like to get things doneand no need to get things done together, and savor that they can live side by side, harmoniously and in contradiction.

I want to feel PEACEFUL. Okay, that might sound really contradictory with all of the above, but it really isn’t. I want to have peace over the choices I make. Peace by focusing on what I’m doing rather than on my way doing chores, cooking dinner, washing my hair. This will always be an intention for years to come; I’m working on it now – enjoying the breeze and the chirping of birds while walking the dogs, enjoying the feel of my dog’s fur while brushing them, rather than what I cook for dinner – but I won’t stop never having to focus on one thing at a time for the rest of my life.

WAIT, DON’T DOGS DO ALL OF THIS ALREADY? I did it do not design this post to sum up with this, but it literally occurred to me when writing in the last paragraph that dogs do all of this without thinking about it. They are so loving, most of them, like any creature on earth. They seem particularly sensitive to receive love on our side. They are amused, curious and delighted most of the time, at least the dogs I tend to like. If dogs can experience admiration the same way we do is up in the air, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they can. Accomplished and Responsible? Did I mention I have Border Collies? I wish I could take you all to the farm to see Skip go all out to bring the only sick sheep into the barn for treatment, or Maggie’s face when she wins Skip’s tug toy. You don’t have to write to-do lists to feel responsible and accomplished. Granted, not all dogs fit into this category – our Cavalier Tootsie’s accomplishments warmed our knees (and cheers too!) and reminded us, very responsibly, when it was dinner time. But still, dogs embody just about everything.

And you? Are you thinking about this time of year? Do you think about the coming year? Making New Year’s resolutions and keeping them? Or not? I would love to have a village-wide conversation about this. Please ask your dogs to participate if they can. (Maybe I should write a separate post based on their resolutions? I can see it now: “Find ways to encourage Trisha to drop more food on the floor.” (Maggie) “Work the sheep twice , not one, a day.” (Skip.)

MEANWHILE, back at the farm: Today, surprise!, was one of those days that didn’t start as planned. Life has unfolded, and my plans to spend a few energetic, curious, and delightful hours shooting photos for this week’s post are off the charts. (And I’m so peaceful about it!) So, I leave you with these photographs, including a classic southern Wisconsin winter woods scene with a dog (Skip) somewhere in it. I didn’t take this with the intention of playing dog Where’s Waldo like many others have. But after returning from our walk, I looked at the pictures, remembering that I had taken one from Skip on the Woods Trail. But, where was Skip? I was sure he was in the photo.

It was. And is. Your job, if you will, is to find it. I’ll give you a hint: It’s there, but very small. Look very, very hard. (No cheating in the comments if you saw this on Facebook!)

Here is another scene when we still had snow on the ground, we really had a winter wonderland for a while:

We were very lucky in the big storm– cold yes, very, and windy yes, very, but no serious damage and only 4-5 inches of snow. Phew. And now we have my least favorite: icy mud. Most of the snow is gone, except for the slippery patches of ice and snow where you least expect it, framed by the kind of mud we don’t usually see until March. Lots and lots of towels, because lots and lots of muddy paws. Sigh.

I leave you with the Oak which I call the Mother Tree. I pass her on our Woods Trial and love her like a friend. May you feel as loving and loved as I am, and inspired by the beauty of nature around us.

But wait, a reward if you kept going! Here’s a zoom shot of Skip in the woods, easier to see for sure. It is not in the foreground, but closer to the beginning of the sky, against a wood. See it now? Nope? I will send an easy version next week!